Sometimes I'm So...

• "As deeply touching as it is delightfully zany. It takes skill and a clever mind to pull that off and Parke has both." - D. Tomaselli, author.

• "Rich in its sensitive perception and engaging writing that brims with a great deal of humor and thoughtful observations." - BookPleasures

Severe introvert by day, misguided dating guru by night, Harold starts a Youtube channel to workshop his elaborate strategies for seducing Emma, the girl of his dreams. But when he finally works up the courage to ask her out, he discovers that Emma is only using him to get fodder for her own dating blog – the one she’s set up to test ways to seduce Leopold.

As it turns out, Leopold is actually one of Harold’s dedicated followers. When he savagely misunderstands and mis-applies Harold’s advice, he suddenly finds himself hugely successful with the ladies, Emma included.


I believe anyone can be forgotten. No matter how wonderful they are, no matter how unlikely they brim with kindness and inner beauty, you can get over any person.
The only trick is really wanting to…
A lot has happened since you left, Eric. For one thing, I had to deal with this really bad break up. Not one to waste time, I immediately turned to my oldest, dearest friend: Google. After all, more than 4000 years of civilization should’ve produced a cure, right? Countless generations suffered this fate before me, so the best way to deal with the rejection, the heartache, and that longing to spend the days with a special someone, it should be known by now. It should be Honed and Perfected. And, at a pinch, condensed down to a small pill or a fun little bullet list.
Not so.
Apparently humanity really dropped the ball on this one.
With over a million books and movies about love and relationships, I couldn’t find a single serious effort on how best to un-fall in love. The only thing out there is corny advice on keeping your distance and giving it time. Which begs the question: what have we been up to? Why haven’t we found a few moments to solve the most universal of all human problems?
Still, I was convinced exorcizing heartache could be reduced to a scientific exercise, and I set out to do just that. In fact, I captured my first efforts in a video blog series that I called: How to get over someone in 600 easy steps.
Okay, so I was still wallowing when I came up with that title. Deep down I didn't want to get over her, I just wanted a statement that explained how nonsensical my life had become.
Later I changed the title to: 27 simple steps to happiness…
Still heavy on the sarcasm, true, but definitely a nudge in the right direction.
Anyway, my goals were simple: 1. identify the steps needed to return the love-sick mammalian brain to normal operating parameters; 2. condense these steps down to a single-sheet PowerPoint presentation. (After all, PowerPoint is how the modern hunter-gatherer deals with reality. Creating bullet lists and charts pass for survival skills in our society, and rightly so.)
So why bring this up? Well, due to my more than heroic efforts nobody’ll ever have to suffer this fate again. They can simply follow my list and cure themselves. But before I tell you all about it, let me explain how I got into this mess in the first place...

YouTube script:
Today I want to discuss Male Invisibility.
You probably don’t realize that, even though you’ve made eye contact with The One, and you’ve talked to her, it’s still likely you’re completely invisible to Her.
She has no idea that you’ve been pining over her. She doesn’t know you’ve already worked out, in explicit detail, why you two would be perfect together. That delightful conversation you two had, if she even remembers it, she won’t be able to recall the specific details, such as whether she was having this conversation with a girl or a guy.
It’s a difference in the way men and women perceive the world. Subconsciously, men divide everything in their field of vision into two categories:

1. Women
2. All other objects

We’re very aware of the women around us. We could be on our way to hospital, with a broken leg, a punctured lung, and one eye poked out, and we’d still notice The One if she were sitting somewhere in the distance. We’d still find the time to admire the way she read her book and ignored us. All the other objects around us we’re only aware of to the point of making sure we don’t crash into them.
Women, on the other hand, divide their field of vision into a multitude of categories:

1. Shoes
2. Other women
3. Assorted elements of clothing
4. Shoes, again
5. All other objects

And this is the problem men face: women group us in the all-other-objects category. This means that if we don’t do anything to stand out, we’ll register as brightly on their mental radars as old ladies, lamp posts, and dogs. They won’t exactly crash into us, but they won’t remember us either! If we want to be noticed, we have to drop our cloaks of invisibility.
So here’s what you need to do…

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