Thursday, June 30, 2011
Yet another cover-up at mysterious crash site!
I have recently uncovered the last taped conversation of ace reporter Kent Worthington. According to my calculations, it was made a day before his mysterious disappearance, and I dare say it contains some vital clues…
(Some names may have been changed to protect my innocence)
Kent: Colonel, what can you say about the reports of an object coming down over the Boswell fields?
Colonel: It appears that a foreign passenger plane has come down.
Kent: So how do you respond to claims that no passenger planes were scheduled to fly over Boswell fields at the time?
Colonel: Eh, well, someone must have lost some paperwork somewhere. Happens all the time.
Kent: Colonel, I feel you are not completely open with me here. If you are going back on your word concerning total disclosure, I’ll hang up and run the story as I have it now.
Colonel: Okay, okay. Look, it's an alien vessel, that’s all I can say. We don't know where it came from exactly, or what it wants, but we know that it is not of this world.
Kent: An alien craft? Really? You must think I'm a moron!
Colonel: Excuse me?
Kent: Do you really think I'm going to print that? Alien craft down in Bosswell fields? Forget it!
Colonel: Well, I'd really rather you didn't print that, but, yes, it's the truth. That's what we're looking at here.
Kent: Colonel, I have it on good authority that the object that went down in Bosswell is in fact a military weather balloon!
Colonel: What? No! I'm telling you the truth, it's a space ship!
Kent: It's a damn weather balloon and you know it!
Colonel: It's not, honest! Look, I can't show you the site, you’d never get clearance, but I can send you some secret documents…
Kent: Colonel, this is a cover-up. I can smell it!
Colonel: Please, whatever you do, don't print the weather balloon story. I implore you!
Kent: I have to. This is simply too big to ignore. A yearly budget of 30 billion and you can't even make a decent weather balloon! The people have a right to know. I mean, how incompetent do have to be, really? It's a damn balloon. Its natural state is being up in the air!
Colonel: There were… unforeseen circumstances.
Kent: My five-year-old can make a balloon that doesn't crash. And he has no budget at all. Can’t even tie his shoes, in fact.
Colonel: Look, it’s not that simple. The balloon has equipment aboard. Then there’s wind speed, thermal dynamics. It’s all rather complicated.
Kent: No, it’s not. It’s nothing that the field of aviation hasn’t already solved a century ago. Here’s your problem, Colonel; NASA can put a man on the moon, send a probe to follow the Haley comet, explore the surface of mars, but the military still has problems keeping a damn balloon a few feet up in the air.
Colonel: It’s a few hundred feet, actually. Look, you don’t know what you’re messing with here. There are important people involved. People who won’t be happy.
Kent: I’ll tell you who won’t be happy. The taxpayers won’t be happy. I'm writing this story!
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Posted by Graham Parke at 2:38 AM