Saturday, December 4, 2010

The Cast for the No Hope for Gomez! Movie

I've been having fun following forum discussions about possible cast lists for a No Hope for Gomez! Movie. Often authors have someone in mind when they write up a character. An actor maybe, a relative, or just some dude they caught going through their garbage. This I'm told. I don't really write that way. I didn't have anyone in mind when I created the characters in NHfG!, but the discussions inspired me to come up with my own shopping list. I invite you to add your own picks. I'd be interested to hear who you'd pick and why.

I realize that there are still a few of you who haven't finished the novel and don't know all the characters yet, so I've added some info and quotes to each. Little statements that define them. This way everyone has a good base for choosing an actor (or a relative, or a dude they caught going through their garbage).

Warren Baxter
Gomez’ neighbor. He spends his time writing bible-thick manuscripts that nobody is interested in.

“There was nothing I could do to stop Warren from walking down the stairs with me, so I shrugged and picked up the pace. As he started talking, I increased my pace further. At one point I tried taking two steps at a time, but that, apparently, only works well on the way up.” – Gomez

“I told Warren that I’d said everything that could be said about his manuscript with the salamanders. As an artist, he should understand I that could never sacrifice the intensity of my feedback by translating it into a lesser medium. Moreover, it would be an unforgivable waste of salamanders.”- Gomez

My pick:

Felipe Esparza. Reason: Look at the guy. You know he's already stir-frying gophers in enamel woks at midnight. He won't even have to act. He'll just need to hold back a little.
Where have we seen him: Last comic standing, S7.

Dr. Christine Hargrove
Runs the drug trial in which Gomez is enrolled.

“If it doesn’t interfere with your coffee plans, I’d like to get a Coke with you after work. I mean, after your work, of course, and mine, also. After both our works. Sorry I didn’t make that clear.”

“You better leave me alone. I so much as spot you in the distance, I’ll break into your apartment to shave off your eyebrows while you sleep!”

My pick:

Lacy Chabert. Reason: Dr. Hargrove isn’t what you'd call a stock character. We need an actress who can play a completely new female character. We also need some cuteness and deeply penetrating eyes.
Where have we seen her: Pleasure drivers, Lost in Space, Party of Five.

Hicks is a neurotic antiques store assistant.

“I inherited Hicks along with the store when my parents died in a tragic antiques-acquiring incident. I’ve kept him around in the hope he’d turn out to know something vital about the antiques business. If he does, he’s been keeping extremely quiet about it. In fact, he’s shown no signs of knowing anything vital about anything.” – Gomez

My pick:

Hugh Laurie. Reason: Hicks is a complicated character, in the prequel he'll be going through some wild and dramatic changes as well. So we need someone who can play a range of characters, make them convincing, and still be able to deliver expert timing.
Where have we seen him: All or nothing at all, A bit of Fry and Laurie, Black Adder.

Customer/Antiques expert
Annoying customer, knows far more about antiques than is strictly necessary for survival in this world.

My pick:

Danny Trejo. Reason: Come on, you can see the scene in your mind, can't you? Trejo walks into the antiques store, sleeveless leather jacket, tattoos all over the place, biker grimace. He picks up an obscure, dust covered item, and complains how puzzling it is that it resembles some of the more notable pieces of the Louis Philippe period, while its refinement and detailing is more in line with Louis XIV style.
For that scene alone I'd watch the movie.
Where have we seen him: In at least half the movies in existence today.

Sombrero guy
Mysterious character, infiltrates the antiques store in various guises with vague and eerie goals.

“Some hats go well with business suits, most hats don’t, but nothing goes quite as badly with a business suit as a sombrero, which is what the guy was wearing.”- Gomez

“..his Adam’s apple was unusually large and pointy. As soon as I’d noticed it, I couldn’t take my eyes off it. I almost sensed the thing scraping against the inside of his skin, stretching his throat to the brink of bursting. I was going to have nightmares for days.” – Gomez

S: “See how this faded blue line runs along the left side of the form, but not the right?”
G: “Yes, now you mention it. Is that significant?”
S: “Probably not, no." He shook his head. “Can’t imagine why it would be.”

My pick:

Steve Buscemi. Reason: I don't really need a reason. Steve should be in every movie. Fine, if you insist; just picture Steve in a business suit, wearing a sombrero, and sandals, going around trying to make friends. Would you be his friend? Of course you would, don't lie. You’d be his friend if only to see what would happen next.
Where have we seen him: in the movies Danny Trejo isn’t.

But, most importantly, we'll need a director. Someone with vision. Someone with heaps of talent. Someone who won't be scared off by a script of which the most interesting features are the coffee stains.

My pick:

Terry Gilliam. Reason: He'll make a great movie. If not, at least he'll be man enough to burn the negatives. Something more directors should be willing to do.
How do we know him: Brasil, Fear and Loathing, 12 Monkeys.

We still have a few people left; Joseph Miller, the first victim. Mr. Norton, the only world-weary detective who happens not to be wise-cracking. Detective Moran, Tommy, Harry, well, the list goes on. Let me know what you think. If you don't, I’ll vote for all of them to be either played by Paul Giamatti or the dude who's currently going through my garbage (he has a rough but intense way about him.)

Did I forget anyone? Ah, yes, Gomez himself. Well, here’s the thing. Try as I might, I can't wrap my head around this one. Here’s some suggestions I've seen around the net: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Tony Shalhoub, Rowan Atkinson, Brian Austin Green

I'll leave it up to you.


  1. Cool picks. Though although Robert Rodriguez I think he's a package deal with Trejo. I can't help thinking one of the Franco brothers for Gomez. Steve, great choice. Other than that I really haven't thought about it much.xo